You Know You're A Dwiggie If...

    By Many People

    1. You break out in a cold sweat (your poor nerves!) at the thought of taking a vacation somewhere without internet access;

    2. You can list at least four Christian names given to Colonel Fitzwilliam;

    3. You (and your partner) know how to put Nutella and Pudding to their best use;

    4. You can match the appropriate story title to the following professions given to Darcy in that story:

      1. Construction worker
      2. Real estate executive
      3. Figure skater
      4. Bond fund manager
      5. Batman
      6. Surgeon
      7. Aerobics instructor
      8. Graduate student
      1. Pemberely, Inc.
      2. Pride Hospital
      3. Constructive Summer
      4. French Kiss
      5. When Fitzy Met Lizzy
      6. Kiss and Cry
      7. The Dark Knight
         

    5. You are dying to know whether Lizzy and Darcy will ever be more than Just Good Friends, whether sparks will fly between L and D when they see one another again in Fortunes Equalled, and you would give your first born to comfort Darcy, who's still at the airport crushed by Lizzy's rejection, in Endless Love;

    6. You long to appear in a cameo as much as Lydia longs for a ball;

    7. You can't go through the day without something reminding you of a new story;

    8. Your spouse now notices P&P connections in movies;

    9. You deliberately find a connection to your favorite movie or book, no matter how tenuous it is, and write a new story about it;

    10. Your friends no longer try to understand you but just stare pitifully when ever the words Jane, Austen, pride, prejudice, Darcy, Lizzy, Wentworth, The Letter, etc come out of your mouth;

    11. You try to fit in as many quotes from the books as possible into everyday conversation;

    12. You sit down at your computer and try to figure out just exactly how many Truths there are to Acknowledge;

    13. Spelling and Grammar are no longer very important to you just so long as your favorite story was posted while you were sleeping;

    14. There are scratch marks on the computer desk from all the various cliffhangers we've been subjected too;

    15. You're getting married in Regency fashion and one of your bachelorette parties is in the Chat room. (how many days left, ChristineM? ;);

    16. Your neighbors no longer call 911 when they hear you screaming after EmmaEA's posts;

    17. There is an inch of dust on the furniture but you're too busy chatting to wipe it off;

    18. Your server goes down, you can't get into DWG and you frantically ask your fellow Dwiggies to send you copies of stories. (Thank you Teg!);

    19. You've never heard of the BoI;

    20. You have a list of ways to kill off Wickham, Lady Catherine, Mr. Elliot, Fanny Dashwood or Aunt Norris;

    21. You start shivering when the words kiss and Collins are linked together. In fact, you've even rejected a very nice, good looking man who asked you out on a date because his last name is Collins and the associations are too painful for you to put aside;

    22. You scour every phonebook you come across for the names Fitzwilliam (or William or Will) Darcy, Elizabeth Bennet, Frederick Wentworth, George Knightley, etc.;

    23. You have a restraining order against you when you found a Fitzwilliam Darcy in the phone book and started following him;

    24. You get frequent bladder infections from not wanting to leave the Chatroom long enough to use the bathroom;

    25. You have no problems getting up in the morning, because you're so eager to check for new posts;

    26. You've convinced yourself that chatting and DWG is actually good for your studies!

    27. It seems perfectly natural for Lizzy to be a vampire slayer or for Darcy to be Batman;

    28. You don't change out of your jammies on your days off but sit in front of the monitor all day catching up on the stories you've missed while at work;

    29. Your children are named after characters in the books.

    30. Your children are named after characters a fellow Dwiggie made up;

    31. You call dibs on a character and staunchly defend your position every time someone tries to take him;

    32. Your significant other, realizing that he/she is no match for your obsession, wrote a Deathmatch against the heroes of the stories;

    33. You learn a foreign language while in Chat;

    34. You're big sister wonders if you've become involved in a cult and need deprogramming;

    35. You plan vacations (or drive eight hours (Lu!), or extend a business trip an extra day (Rebecca!)) so you can meet the Dwiggies you admire;

    36. You ask a simple question in Chat or in the Tea Room, and the answers have you cracking up and seriously seeing a psychiatrist all at the same time;

    37. You've posted a deathmatch or counter-story in an effort to get a writer to post;

    38. You know who James Hampton is, and where he sits on the Fitzwilliam/Darcy family tree;

    39. You find yourself in Chat alone, reloading the page hoping someone'll show up;

    40. If you're in Chat alone, you start talking to yourself, possibly in multiple Austen-related personalities, in order to a) wait for someone to show up or b) just have a reason to simply spend a little more time there;

    41. You have a list of all the humiliating things that have happened to Caroline in the stories you've read at DWG;

    42. You have a list of all the humiliating things you can think of that haven't happened to Caroline yet but are going to as soon as you have time to start your version of P&P;

    43. Your family members know the names of the other Dwiggies because no matter what the topic of the conversation, someone has said something worth quoting about it in Chat or the Tea Room;

    44. You think it's perfectly reasonable to be looking for signs of affection between Colonel Fitzwilliam and Caroline in the wedding scene of P&P2;

    45. You burst out laughing at the dinner table because something someone says reminds you of a line in a story you read a few days earlier, and as soon as you can breath again you mutter something incomprehensible about "Bingley and the peach soup", and the people around you don't even bother to wonder anymore;

    46. You are used to the odd looks you get when you start resisting the lines of your favorite scene to yourself out loud in public places;

    47. The realization that, had she chosen to do so, JA could have married the Colonel off and left Mr. Collins single instead keeps you awake at night;

    48. You're watching wrestling and you can't help but wonder what Darcy might look like in a pair of tight spandex tights! (Or Knightley, for that matter!);

    49. Your email address contains a reference to an Austen character (yes, my other email address is "evadarcy"!);

    50. You literally can't do anything without having a fix of DWG;

    51. You're more up to date with the lives of Dwiggies than the lives of your roommates/family/workmates;

    52. You're study buddy has just walked in the room and is physically dragging you away from writing these things because you've had another 45 minute break when it was supposed to be 15;

    53. Your grades start dropping because you're spending too much time reading the new posts;

    54. You start to blame your mother for naming you "Caroline" and your sister "Elizabeth" and why she couldn't have just switched them around;

    55. You start to see how much your friends parents are like Mr. and Mrs. Musgrove;

    56. You buy new face lotion becaus it says it "...helps soothe 'computer eyes' ";

    57. Whenever you go into the pantry, you think about where you would put the bed;

    58. You've started making your prom/special occasion gown months in advance so it will be just like Lizzy's in the Netherfield Ball scene in P&P2;

    59. You say 'Indeed' a lot then take a drink afterwards in memory of Chat nights;

    60. You go out on a date but insist on coming home early so you won't miss the Friday night chatroom mayhem;

    61. Your speech delayed four year old recognizes Mr. Darcy and asks for him by name. (train 'em early I say);

    62. All the cheerleaders you couldn't stand in high school are now renamed in your mind Caroline Bingley, Fanny Dashwood, Lucie Steele, Harriet Smith (dingbat), and Isabella Thorpe and now you can't wait for your tenth reunion so you can laugh at them some more;

    63. It has become impossible for you to wear anything orange without thinking about Caroline;

    64. It has become impossible for you to see a toad without thinking about Mr. Collins;

    65. Whenever something important happens to you, one of the first thoughts entering your mind
      is "Wow! I've got to remember to mention this in Chat!";

    66. You have learned to type faster in English than in your mother tongue;

    67. You prefer giving up three hours of sleep on a night before an exam or other significant happening to giving up three minutes of Chat;

    68. All the first years are terrified of the mad woman who sits in the computer lab laughing her head off;

    69. You run a video rental service from your room and all the videos are JA, or have someone from a JA adaptation in them;

    70. You are supposed to be studying for an exam but you spend two hours "just quickly looking for new posts";

    71. Nobody needs to ask what you want for your birthday anymore- they know anything JA related will be fine;

    72. Somehow FitzWilliam has either become Fwood or FitzyPie;

    73. Your husband knows the plotlines of every DWG story you read;

    74. Your husband can make the connections between actors who starred in JA movies and any other current ones (Jimmy's Dave recognized JN from Emma, An Ideal Husband and The Winslow Boy);

    75. You think cliffhangers from the Soaps are NOTHING compared to the ones on the board;

    76. Time travel and JA actually make a perfect combination;

    77. You visit England with the singular purpose of seeing every JA site either historical or film-wise;

    78. If the idea of a lynch mob is actually appealing at times;

    79. You know that Jimmy's actually female;

      And, the eighty-first way you know for sure that you're hopelessly, pathetically and gleefully addicted to DWG:

    80. You have a secret crush on Marks.