Prologue: The Bitter and Lonely Club Forms

Posted on Thursday, 16 February 2006

Idiot
1 usually offensive : a person affected with idiocy
2 : a foolish or stupid person
- idiot adjective*

idiot
Function: noun
Text: a stupid person
Synonyms blockhead, cretin, dodo, dolt, donkey, dope, dork [slang], dumbbell, dummy, dunce, fathead, goon, half-wit, ignoramus, imbecile, jackass, knothead, moron, nincompoop, ninny, nitwit, numskull (or numbskull), pinhead, simpleton, stock, turkey*

It is a truth universally acknowledged that all boys are stupid.

The Bitter and Lonely Club was founded under an undeniable truth: boys were, are, and will continue to be dumb, and yet girls, for whatever reason, continue to like them.

The Bitter and Lonely Club formed one inconsolably cold, snowy evening in late February. Valentine’s Day had come and gone, momentarily heightening any pre-existing sullenness. That fateful evening, large flakes of snow fell slowly, landing on and covering the brown landscaping of the University of Wisconsin-Longbourn campus, creating a desolate landscape, making loneliness even lonelier.

“Oh my goodness,” Christopher Brandon grumbled in his deep baritone voice, after listening to the two girls walking next to him giggle with glee at the couple walking in front of them.

Elizabeth Bennet shot him a nasty look. “We’re living vicariously through Suzanne,” she protested, and then laughed.

Lynne Benson slipped her arm through Elizabeth’s as they trooped through the dark to the cafeteria for dinner. “You’re my best friend,” she said, grinning at Elizabeth who grinned back. Lynne was the only person Elizabeth had ever met in her entire twenty-one years of existence who understood her feelings towards the eternal singleness she somehow found herself trapped in.

Christopher, Lynne, and Elizabeth were walking from Mary-Town Hall, the Music building, following closely behind Jonathan and Suzanne.

Suzanne Lucas was the sweet, pretty girl who was pre-occupied with school and had a secret dream of one day becoming a famous actress. Jonathan Collins had made her his latest crush, much to everyone’s shock and pleasure. The two of them had spent every waking hour of the past six days glued to one another’s every word.

“They’re in love,” Elizabeth marveled as her cold breath floated like smoke from above her pink scarf.

“Oh, good lord,” Christopher said, rolling his eyes.

“Hey, this is all we have.” Elizabeth snapped, giving him a dirty look. She repeated herself, more sternly this time, for emphasis. “This is all we have. Lynne and I are bitter and lonely.”

And that is how the Bitter and Lonely Club was born.

*http://www.webster.com