Previous Section, Section IX
Chapter 28
Posted on Tuesday, 27 May 2008
As she slowly opened her eyes to the morning light, Elizabeth’s mind played back the events of the previous night. The last thing she remembered was being snuggled against William as they watched a movie, but now she found herself curled up on the sofa wrapped in a blanket. William was nowhere to be seen and she wondered when he had left.
Disoriented, she stretched and moaned as she sat up. Looking at the mantel clock, she could see that it was a quarter past six. Elizabeth pulled the quilt around her, staring blankly across the room. Her head ached and she felt completely drained, even though she had just woken up from a full night’s sleep.
Sir Wilfred, seeing that Elizabeth was awake, began barking for attention.
“What is it, baby?” Elizabeth reached down to pick up the puppy. “What’s the matter?” She stroked his head, scratching behind Wilfred’s ears as the little dog expressed his delight to be in her arms. “Do you want to go outside? I think you do.”
With the quilt still draped across her shoulders and Wilfred cradled in her arms Elizabeth made her way to the back door to take the pup out to the yard. She stared off into the distance; the day was dawning bright and beautiful. Gingerly, she rubbed her brow. “I’m not going to run today,” she said to herself while wondering if William would be out for his morning jog. “I’ll call him later. I’m not in the mood for conversation this morning.” Elizabeth pursed her lips, recalling how William had found her the day before. He must think I’m a basket case. Shaking her head, she headed back toward the house, leaving Sir Wilfred to romp in the garden.
Back inside, Elizabeth wandered into the sitting room and noticed the box of photographs next to the sofa. She picked it up, then sat down in a chair near the garden window. She sighed softly as she stared outside, thinking about the course of emotions she had been through over the past few days. She had been so happy to see William back from London and excited to spend more time with him, but hesitant to delve into her deeper feelings for him, unsure of where those feelings might lead her if she actually gave them wing. And then, when reminded of her wedding anniversary, she felt as if her life had, once again, come crashing down on her, crumbling into pieces as it sifted through her fingers.
Turning her attention to the box, she pulled out a picture of Jonas in the yard of their home in Connecticut, probably one of the last photos she had taken of him before he became ill. It was a close up of his head and shoulders and Elizabeth could really see the rich brown color of his eyes. She gazed at it lovingly. “Oh, Jonas, why did you have to go?” She could feel the pain and longing rising within her. “I miss you so much.” She heaved a sigh. “I wish you were still here.”
Elizabeth closed her eyes as she gently ran her hand across her forehead, then leaned back in the chair. She looked at the photo again, noting the trio of freckles on Jonas’ neck. Smiling, she remembered lightly tracing the line of freckles with her fingertip and affectionately referring to it as Orion’s belt, his personal constellation. Her heart swelled as she tried to relive some of her fonder memories with her husband, but when she couldn’t recall the sound of his laughter a pang of fear struck her. Am I forgetting Jonas?
Unsettled by that thought, Elizabeth shifted restlessly in her seat until she decided to get out of the house for a bit of fresh air.
After tending to the horses, Elizabeth saddled and mounted Thor for a ride. She purposely headed west to avoid seeing William, not feeling up to an encounter with him.
Following unfamiliar trails, Elizabeth tried to clear her mind and enjoy the beautiful countryside that surrounded her. An hour into the ride she steered Thor back around to return home. Passing an open meadow, she noticed a figure in the distance. As they drew closer she recognized Sir Percy. Urging the horse to a halt, Elizabeth watched as he set a small ball down on the ground and after carefully positioning himself swung a golf club, striking the ball to the far end of the field.
He looked to gauge where the ball landed, then set another one down and following the same routine, sent it sailing into the distance. One after another three more golf balls flew across the meadow before Sir Percy turned and noticed Elizabeth watching him from atop her horse.
“Good morning!” he called out while striding toward her. “I had no idea you were watching my game.”
“Your backswing is excellent.”
Sir Percy shrugged his shoulders. “I believe there’s room for improvement.”
Elizabeth smiled, amused with his show of modesty.
“What brings you to my neck of the woods this morning?”
“Just out for a ride.”
“Alone?”
She nodded. “I needed some fresh air.”
“Same for me. That’s why I’m here pummeling golf balls into the thicket. I find it’s an excellent way to relax, ease my mind.”
“Perhaps I should give that a try.”
“Are you in need of relaxation?” Sir Percy looked at her curiously. “Or are you vexed?”
“No, not vexed.”
“Is something troubling you?”
Elizabeth bit her lip as she shifted in the saddle. “I have a lot on my mind.”
“Is there anything I can do to help? If you need someone to talk to I’m happy to oblige.”
“I don’t know,” she drawled, hesitating before completing her thought. “It’s just that sometimes I wish life wasn’t so complicated.”
“How so?” He held out his hand, urging Elizabeth to dismount.
As she eased herself from atop the horse she took Sir Percy’s offered hand then stood silent while gathering her thoughts. “I remember when I was young. I foolishly thought I could plan out my life.” She grimaced as if suffering pain or embarrassment. “But I learned how little power I truly had to control my destiny.”
Nodding in agreement, Sir Percy quietly listened.
“My life hardly resembles what I imagined it would be thirty years ago.”
“Does that disappoint you?” he asked while taking Thor’s reins from Elizabeth’s hand and gently encouraging her and the horse toward a small copse of trees.
“In some ways, yes.”
Sir Percy believed he knew in what ways Elizabeth was disappointed in the events of her life, but said nothing as he watched the emotions play across her face.
“For one thing, I never thought I’d be living in a foreign country hiding from the pain of my past life.”
“Are you hiding from pain, or are you searching for new joy?”
She looked at him askance, pondering if she wanted to delve into this subject with him. “Perhaps a little of both,” she finally responded with tears welling her eyes.
“Are you currently feeling pain?”
Wordlessly, Elizabeth bobbed her head.
“Intensely?”
Again, she inclined her head. “At times it seems almost unbearable.”
“So much that you can’t feel happiness?”
“I wouldn’t say that.”
“What would you say?”
“I’ve had many moments of pleasure these past few months, more than I thought I would ever have again.”
“I’m very glad to hear that, Elizabeth, and I know I’m not the only one who would feel that way.”
“I’m sure you’re referring to Fitzwilliam.”
Sir Percy nodded. “But he’s not the only one who cares about your well-being. All of your friends and family want you to be happy.”
“I know,” she said feebly, overcome with emotion.
He watched as she fought to regain her composure. “It appears that you may be struggling a bit with both your past pain and your present joy.”
“I am. I feel as if I’m torn in two.” Elizabeth dabbed the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes. “I sometimes miss Jonas so much I ache. I miss his touch, the sound of his voice, being able to curl against him in bed. I miss just knowing he’s there, but then I remember that he’s not here anymore.” Her voice quavered as tears trickled down her cheeks. “And then there are times I feel happy and alive again, and it’s not only when I’m with William. I can’t deny that the time I spend with him makes me feel more than I ever thought I would be able to – more happy, more alive than I’ve felt since Jonas died, but it’s not constant.”
Both Sir Percy and Elizabeth sat down on the soft grass in the shade of the trees as Elizabeth went on to tell him about the previous day and what had prompted her current state of mind. She wiped her eyes. “It’s difficult at times to find balance with such a wide range of emotions.”
“Therein lies the rub.” Sir Percy smiled compassionately. “You know, as well as I, that life can’t be arranged and scripted. We each have to muddle our way amidst the uncertainty of it.”
Nodding, she dropped her eyes and stared at her hands while twisting the wedding ring around her finger.
Slowly winding her way back to Cresthaven, Elizabeth thought about what Sir Percy had said. She knew it was her choice as to how she handled her struggles, but she also knew that losing her husband had been the most difficult ordeal she had ever endured, and was still enduring. It’s not over. I don’t know if it will ever truly be over. Not a day goes by when I don’t think about Jonas, and that’s the most difficult thing to deal with because although I’m happy to be with William, I still miss Jonas. I still wish he hadn’t died.
After leading Thor back to the stable and making sure everything was in order there Elizabeth tended to the garden. Sir Wilfred happily romped alongside her as she clipped spent blossoms and pulled weeds from the beds.
“Get along, now,” she scolded him as he scampered through the pile of debris, scattering the trimmings along the garden path.
Undeterred, the puppy continued to frolic in the flower bed heedless of Elizabeth’s warnings. Exasperated, she finally gave up any hope of completing the task at hand and took the dirty little dog into the wash room to give him a bath.
He wriggled and yelped as Elizabeth scrubbed him clean, but when she wrapped him in a soft, fluffy towel he nuzzled close to her, happy to be in her arms.
“You look so much better,” Elizabeth said as she rubbed the towel across Wilfred’s head. “And you smell nice, too. Now I need a bath.”
She put the puppy in his pen with a few of his toys and scratched behind his ears before heading upstairs to draw a bath.
The hot, sudsy water felt relaxing as she sank down into its depths, immersing her entire body from head to toe. Music from the stereo wafted in from the open bedroom door and Elizabeth closed her eyes as she tried to ease her troubled mind.
William could hear Sir Wilfred barking as he knocked at Cresthaven’s back door for the second time, but still couldn’t detect any signs of Elizabeth being home. Curiously, he turned the doorknob, checking if it was locked. The door opened a crack. “Elizabeth?” he called out while popping his head into the room. There was no response. Halfway in and halfway out of the house, he looked around the room, wondering where Elizabeth might be. The puppy barked excitedly at the sight of William in the doorway.
“Anybody at home?” He stepped inside, craning his neck to see into the sitting room. “Where’s your mistress?” he asked while approaching the noisy pup. “Has she gone out and left you here alone?”
Squatting down, William lifted Sir Wilfred from his enclosure. The dog settled down as William stroked his head and back. “Now, where can she be?” William stood then slowly made his way into the dining room, searching to find Elizabeth.
As he passed through the drawing room into the entrance hall he heard the creaking of a door hinge on the second floor. He stopped at the foot of the stairs. Elizabeth was singing and the sound of her voice drifted downward to where he stood, debating if he should make his presence known or wait quietly for her to descend.
William turned and made his way back to the sitting room. He glanced around the room until his gaze settled on the grouping of Elizabeth’s watercolor paintings hanging on the wall beside the fireplace.
Feeling rejuvenated after her bath, Elizabeth dried her hair and clipped it back then slipped on a white cotton lawn blouse and her new coral and pink floral skirt. Grabbing a pair of sandals from the closet, she carried them out of the room then down the hall toward the staircase. Slowly she descended, and dropping her shoes at the base of the stairs she slid her feet into them before heading to the kitchen to check on Sir Wilfred.
As she entered the room Elizabeth noticed how quiet it seemed. Looking at the puppy’s enclosure she could see that Wilfred was missing. “Wilfred?” she called out and listened to hear him.
The room was completely silent. She quickly raced across the kitchen, worried that she would find the little dog tearing up the sitting room, but what she found instead surprised her. To her amazement William stood in the room staring at the paintings on the wall while holding her sleeping pup in his arms.
Elizabeth was baffled as to why William was here in her house. She hadn’t spoken to him throughout the day, although she had intended to call him, and they had not made any plans to see each other. She wasn’t quite certain what to make of this situation as she continued to eye William from the entryway. He had not noticed that she was there – his attention was entirely focused on the watercolor paintings.
“William?”
He turned at the sound of her voice. “Elizabeth.” A broad smile spread across his face. “You look lovely.”
“Thank you, but what are you doing here?”
“The door was unlocked. I hope you don’t mind I let myself in.” He pointed toward the painting of the church in the valley. “I’ve been admiring your artwork here and I can’t help but wonder why you still haven’t had this one framed.”
She shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know. I guess I just don’t ever think about it.”
“Well, I think you should. This is my favorite of the paintings you have here.”
“It is?”
“It is. Don’t misunderstand; I appreciate all of your work, but this one…” William pursed his lips as he once again examined the watercolor. “This one is captivating.”
“Thank you.”
Elizabeth scratched Sir Wilfred behind his ears, stirring him awake. “Some watchdog you’ve turned out to be,” she spoke to the puppy in an affectionate tone. “You welcome anybody who comes through the door and then fall asleep in his arms.”
“Don’t be too harsh with him,” William defended the little dog. “If I had been anyone else he would have attacked for certain.” He rubbed the scruff of Wilfred’s neck before setting him down on the floor.
With his hands now free William wrapped his arms around Elizabeth, placing a kiss on the top of her head. “How are you feeling today, love?” Drawing back, he gazed intently into her eyes.
“I’m feeling better.”
“I’m very glad to hear that.” He again enveloped her in his embrace. “I was reluctant to leave you alone last night. You had me worried.”
“There is really no need for that.”
“But I am concerned about you, whether you think it necessary or not.”
“No matter what I think?”
“Yes, Elizabeth, I care for you and will continue to worry about you. The issue of whether you think I should or shouldn’t is not up for debate.”
“Well, I suppose I can’t argue with that, but I do think you have no reason to be overly concerned.”
Think that if you wish, love, William thought as he held her close. Someday you’ll understand exactly what I mean when I say I care about you.
Their bodies swayed gently as they stood holding each other for several minutes until the puppy yelped at their feet for attention.
“I think he needs to go outside,” Elizabeth said without lifting her head from William’s shoulder.
“Hmmm,” William hummed. “I suppose we should take him out.”
Elizabeth nodded as she reluctantly unwrapped her arms from around William. “Come on, Wilfred,” she called to the little dog. “Let’s get you into the yard.”
The puppy scampered through the kitchen, following Elizabeth and William out the back door.
“I want to thank you for being here for me yesterday,” she said as they strolled down the garden path. “I appreciate your concern.”
Grasping hold of Elizabeth’s hand, William drew her to his side. “It’s entirely my pleasure.”
Her voice caught in her throat as she tried to respond, but instead she clutched his arm and walked quietly by his side, feeling her heart brimming with emotion.
They wandered Cresthaven’s garden before finding a seat in the shade of a spreading oak. Elizabeth found herself at a loss for words, although her mind was burdened with conflicting thoughts. William, noticing Elizabeth’s preoccupation tried several topics of conversation before giving in to the silence. The sound of William’s mobile ringing broke into the quiet. William reached to look at it. “Excuse me for a moment, love. Percy’s on the line.”
Elizabeth smiled while nodding her head. “Of course,” she said as she rose from beside him to fetch the dog.
Catching Elizabeth’s hand, William grinned up at her as he answered the phone. “Darcy.”
“Fitz, old boy, it’s been ages since I’ve seen you,” Sir Percy said, his voice filled with his usual enthusiasm. “I’ve only just heard that you were back in Derbyshire.”
“I returned Thursday.” William gently tugged on Elizabeth’s arm, trying to get her to sit back down beside him. Realizing that he wasn’t going to release his hold of her, Elizabeth took a seat across from William, while he kept his hand wrapped around hers.
“How are matters with Cecilia?” Sir Percy asked.
“I couldn’t say.”
“I do hope Geoffrey gets it sorted for you soon.”
“I’m certain he’s doing everything possible.”
“I’m sure of it,” Sir Percy reassured his friend. “But listen, I thought perhaps you would like to play a round of golf tomorrow morning.”
“Sorry, Percy, I’ve made other plans.”
“How about later in the day?”
“I’m afraid I’ll be busy throughout the day.”
“That’s disappointing. Perhaps we could get together tonight. Maybe the cinema.”
“I won’t be able to tonight.”
“Out with Elizabeth I suppose.”
Smiling, William looked at Elizabeth. “No, not tonight. I’m picking up Ian shortly.”
“Well, then, if you’re not out with Elizabeth tonight I think perhaps I’ll give her a ring.”
William was silent as his friend chuckled.
“Maybe she would enjoy seeing a film with me.”
“You would need to ask her.”
“Have you seen her today?” Sir Percy asked curiously. After his conversation with Elizabeth that morning he was anxious to hear how she and Fitzwilliam were getting along.
“As a matter of fact, she’s here with me now.”
“Is she really?”
“Yes, would you like to speak to her?”
“Indeed, I would.”
William held the phone against his chest. “Percy would like to speak with you.”
With a perplexed expression on her face, Elizabeth reached out to take the phone from William. “Hello?”
“Elizabeth, darling, how are you and Fitz getting on this afternoon?”
Elizabeth glanced over at William, but didn’t meet his gaze. “Just fine.”
“I’m so glad to hear it. You’ll have to tell me more later. Listen, darling, I was wondering if you’d like to go out with me this evening.”
“Well, I don’t have any plans.”
“We could go to the cinema, if you’d like.”
“That sounds very nice. I’d like that.”
Elizabeth handed William his phone after she had hung up from her brief conversation with Sir Percy. “I think he misses Julianne.”
“Possibly.”
“Long distance relationships can be difficult. He should just ask her to marry him.”
“Do you think so?”
“It’s what they both want. I’m sure he’ll talk of nothing but her tonight.”
“Then perhaps he should ask for her hand.”
“I think Sir Percy is afraid of committing.”
He nodded. “That’s not uncommon.”
“It’s not, especially taking into consideration that he’s remained single for as long as he has.”
“He does have a knack for avoiding attachments. In fact, I’m still not convinced that he will settle down with Julianne.”
“You’re not?”
William shook his head.
Elizabeth smiled knowingly. “I suppose time will tell.”
“I think you’ll like this restaurant,” Sir Percy told Elizabeth as they approached the large brick building. “The food here reminds me of the time I lived in New York.”
“Is it authentic?”
“I don’t think I would be the best judge of that, not being Italian.”
“Well, neither am I, but one of my childhood friends was and her family ran a small restaurant. The food they served was very good.”
Sir Percy held the door open for Elizabeth and sidled next to her in the crowded vestibule. “Anyway, the food is rather good, and the atmosphere is quite…what would you say? Nostalgic.”
Elizabeth looked around at the people waiting to be seated inside the restaurant. “It must be good to draw in so many.”
He nodded in response, not wanting to raise his voice to be heard over the din.
Shortly after they were seated and had placed their order Sir Percy questioned Elizabeth about her encounter with Fitzwilliam earlier in the day. “How was your visit with Fitz?”
“It was very nice.”
“And are you feeling happy with life? Or…”
“I’m feeling better than I was this morning.”
“Better, but not happy.”
“I don’t judge all my moods on a happiness scale. There are many other emotions to measure by.”
“I wouldn’t know about that.” Sir Percy chuckled. “I live my life pursuing only that which makes me happy.”
Nodding her head, Elizabeth grinned. “So I’ve heard.”
“You mustn’t believe everything you hear, darling.”
“Oh, trust me, I’ve seen just as much as I’ve heard.”
“I’ll not say another word. I know you well enough to realize I’ll not win this argument.”
“There’s nothing to be won or lost,” she said with an air of playfulness. “You really shouldn’t be afraid to talk openly about your feelings.”
“Firstly,” he said while wagging his finger, “I believe we were talking about your feelings. Secondly, I’m very afraid to talk about a great many things, just not afraid to admit it.”
“You are correct; we were talking about my feelings.” Elizabeth chuckled. “And you’re not the only one who’s afraid to talk about feelings. It has been pointed out to me several times that I am unwilling to discuss emotional aspects of relationships.”
“Much like you’re avoiding a discussion now.”
“Not you too!” Elizabeth exclaimed affably. “Is this some sort of conspiracy for me to pour out my heart to all of Derbyshire?”
“Only to those of us who care about you.”
Elizabeth smiled, shaking her head. “It’s moments like this that I wonder why I’m still living here.”
“I believe I know the answer to that question.”
“I’m sure you think you do.” She arched her brow.
“Yes, indeed, I do.” Sir Percy looked at her smugly. “Shall I give you a clue?”
“By all means.”
“It has to deal with an attachment you’ve formed.”
“Hmm.”
“With a particular male you’ve been seen with of late.”
“I see.”
“This relationship is one of mutual attraction.”
She eyed him curiously, but made no response.
“Would you like me to continue? Or shall I just tell you?”
“Whichever you prefer, I’m sure I don’t know either way.”
“This male in question is, oddly enough, of the four-legged variety.”
Elizabeth laughed aloud.
“It’s nice to hear you laugh,” Sir Percy said, then reached across the table, placing his hand atop hers. “Seriously now, about your time with Fitz today. Were you happy to see him? Happy to be with him?”
Elizabeth shook her head, knowing that Sir Percy wasn’t going to let this subject drop until she had satisfied him with an answer. “Yes,” she replied, “I was happy to see him this afternoon. Happy to be with him.”
“Marvelous.” Sir Percy gave Elizabeth’s hand a squeeze. “I’m glad to hear it.”
Their appetizers arrived and the conversation turned toward the taste of the food until, in between bites, Sir Percy asked, “Do you think perhaps you love him?”
Surprised by the question, Elizabeth’s brow furrowed. “Why can’t two people spend time together without love entering the picture?”
“It’s human nature, the natural course we take, wandering down the road of life looking for someone to travel the path with us.”
“Now that sounds like the answer of someone who’s not searching, but who’s already found someone to go through life with.” Elizabeth arched an eyebrow, giving Sir Percy a penetrating stare. “Tell me, Percy, about the time you spent with Julianne last week. You, who rates everything on a happiness meter, were you happy to see her?”
The apples of his cheeks flushed pink as Sir Percy stammered, trying to think how to respond to Elizabeth’s unexpected query.
“I’ve heard it said that love affects a person’s senses. I’m inclined to believe that because you, dear sir, have apparently been struck speechless.”
“I’ll thank you for not turning the table, Elizabeth. We were exploring your feelings, not mine.”
“And I’ve already told you about my feelings of happiness. It’s time for you to answer the same. It’s only fair.”
“You expect me to play fair?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Hmm.” He pursed his lips. “I suppose there’s no way out of this one.”
Elizabeth shook her head. “There’s no avoiding it, so you may as well start talking.”
Although, at first resistant, Sir Percy opened up to Elizabeth, telling her about his visit to Hertfordshire the previous week and the time he spent with Julianne. He spoke very fast and with a great deal of animation. Elizabeth listened and smiled. She knew that she had to be right about Sir Percy’s feelings for Julianne and that he soon would ask her to marry him.
Sunday morning Elizabeth was just about to leave for church when she heard a car pulling to a stop outside. Peeking out the kitchen window, she was surprised to see William’s Mercedes in her driveway.
As she opened the door William and Ian were passing through the garden gate. William was wearing a charcoal gray suit with a white shirt and deep red patterned tie, and Ian, with his hair neatly combed, looked charmingly sweet in his blue wool blazer and starched white shirt. He tugged at his collar, trying to loosen his tie as they approached the house.
“Good morning,” William greeted Elizabeth.
“What a surprise!” she exclaimed while giving Ian a hug. “It’s so nice to see you, and so unexpected.”
“Dad and I came to take you to church,” Ian informed her.
Elizabeth cast a questioning glance at William.
He smiled, revealing his dimples. “Yes, I thought we could all ride together since we’re heading in the same direction.”
“I like that idea,” Elizabeth said, then motioned toward the car. “I’m all ready. Shall we go?”
“Certainly,” William replied as he followed Elizabeth down the pathway while Ian ran ahead and settled himself in the backseat.
William opened the door for Elizabeth and made sure she was comfortable before taking his own seat behind the wheel.
They all chatted on the ride to the chapel and when they arrived Ian hurried into the church, not waiting for his father and Elizabeth.
Taking Elizabeth’s hand, William strolled slowly toward the building. “You don’t mind that we dropped in on you this morning, do you?”
“Not at all.”
“Good.”
Ian had already found a seat inside and was talking with two elderly women sitting in the pew behind him.
“Good morning, Elizabeth,” one of the women said when William and Elizabeth joined Ian. “We’ve just been speaking with this remarkable young man. He tells us that he’s come to church with you and his father.”
“Why, yes, he has, Trudy,” Elizabeth replied, then introduced William to the ladies.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Darcy,” Trudy’s sister, Constance, said. “I hope to be able to see more of you.”
William grinned, noticing that Constance was winking at him while shaking his hand. “I have no doubt you will.”
“I’m so glad to hear it.”
“Thank you, ma’am,” William said, trying to ease his hand from Constance’s surprisingly strong grip. “I hope you enjoy today’s service.” He motioned toward the front of the church, drawing everyone’s attention to the pulpit. “It looks as if we’re ready to begin.”
Elizabeth sat down between Ian and William and held the hymnal as they sang. The service seemed long and the bright sunshine was a welcome change from the dimly lit chapel when they emerged from inside.
“So, Fitz, how did you enjoy today’s service?” Simon Thatcher asked as he greeted them at the door.
“I enjoyed it a great deal.” William shook Simon’s outstretched hand.
“And how are you today, Elizabeth?” Simon extended his hand to her.
“I’m very well,” she replied while shaking his hand. “And you?”
“I couldn’t be better,” he replied then turned his attention to William’s son. “Did you have a chance to speak to Henry today? He and Rory had a fantastic time last night and can hardly wait for your next outing.”
“Yeah, it was brilliant,” Ian replied enthusiastically. “Dad says we can go again in a few weeks.”
“I’m sure the lads will be happy to hear it, but until then you and your father should call ‘round.”
Ian nodded as his father assured Simon that they would indeed visit so the boys could spend more time together.
“Well, I won’t keep you any longer,” Simon said as he shook William’s hand again. “Give me a ring this week.”
William agreed as Simon gave a quick wave of his hand then turned away, striding swiftly across the churchyard.
“Dad, can I have the keys to the car?” Ian asked.
“All right, but don’t start the engine.” William retrieved the car keys from his pocket and handed them to his son.
Eagerly taking the keys from his father, Ian agreed then quickly ran across the parking lot.
“Simon Thatcher is a very good man,” Elizabeth remarked, glancing over at William as they started their slow walk to the car.
“Yes, I haven’t known him long, but he does seem to be.”
“It’s nice that his sons have befriended Ian.”
“You should have seen them last night. They were fast friends.”
“That’s wonderful, but it’s hard to imagine anyone not liking Ian.”
“I’d have to agree. Ian is very genial.” William took hold of Elizabeth’s hand. “Would you like to join us for a picnic lunch today?”
“I would love to.”
“Splendid.” He smiled broadly. “We have a bit of time before lunch. I could drop you home and you can join us later, or you could spend the day with us at Pemberley.”
Elizabeth thought for a moment. “I really don’t like the idea of leaving Wilfred alone for such a long period of time, unless…”
“Unless?”
“Unless I brought him along with me.”
“Wonderful idea. Let’s fetch Wilfred before we go home.”
Ian liked the idea of having Elizabeth’s puppy along for the day and even held Wilfred on his lap after they retrieved the pup from Cresthaven.
It was a happy reunion between Sir Wilfred and his mother, Lady Rowena, when Ian took them both into the garden. While the dogs romped and played in the yard Ian tried persuading Elizabeth and his father to join him for an excursion to the pond.
“Please, Dad,” the boy pleaded.
“Not today, Son. We can go anywhere else, but I’ll not have you chasing two dogs into the water.”
Ian was about to make one last plea, but the resolved expression on his father’s face changed his mind. “All right,” he said reluctantly with a pout on his lips.
They enjoyed a pleasant lunch in the garden, and afterwards took a stroll. As they walked along the crest of a hill Elizabeth looked out over the vista, stopping when she noticed the small chapel nestled amongst a cluster of trees.
“Is something the matter?” William asked.
“No, I was just looking at that old church.”
“Ah, the chapel in your painting.”
She slowly nodded her head. “I’m beginning to think it is.” Turning to face William, she laid her hand on his arm. “Let’s go have a closer look.”
“Right now?”
“Yes.”
“It’s a rather long walk.”
“When have you seen a long walk deter me?”
“I was thinking more about myself.”
Elizabeth gave William’s arm a squeeze. “Come on; don’t tell me you’re too tired.”
William groaned, then caught hold of Elizabeth’s hand. “All right, if you insist.”
“As a matter of fact, I do.” she said with a raised brow, then quickly turned to head down the incline of the hill, tugging at William’s hand as she went.
Keeping a brisk pace, Elizabeth pulled William along behind her as Ian ran ahead with the dogs. When they reached the gravel path, which led to the large wooden doors of the church, the small stones crunched beneath their feet and slowed their pace.
“Can we go inside?” Elizabeth asked while pulling on the large iron door handles. The door held fast, locked tight.
“I’m afraid not,” William replied.
“Why not?” Ian asked as he rushed to look through a window.
Following Ian, Elizabeth peered over his head through glass panes. “I can’t really see anything in here.” She hurried to the next window, stepping carefully through the flower beds. “Oh, look. I can see into the chapel.”
Ian stood on the tips of his toes trying to catch a glimpse inside the building.
Elizabeth motioned for William to join them. “Have you seen this?”
“I have,” he said as he stood beside her, looking through the window.
She chuckled. “I suppose you would have.” Elizabeth gazed up at William. “I wish we could go inside. When is it open?”
“It’s only open a few hours through the week. They no longer hold services here,” William informed her. “Not very many church goers in the area anymore.”
“That’s a shame. It’s such a charming place.”
“This place is brilliant,” Ian exclaimed as he ran across the pathway toward a small cemetery.
Chuckling at Ian’s enthusiasm for a graveyard, Elizabeth and William followed the boy as he explored the aging headstones.
“These must be at least 200 years old,” Elizabeth said, running her hand over the rough surface of an old stone marker.
“Even older than that,” William replied. “This is an old parish church. It hasn’t been used in quite some time, but some of these graves date back three or four hundred years.”
“There’s a lot of history here.” Elizabeth glanced around. “We should come back sometime when the church is open.”
William nodded in agreement. “We will.”
In the middle of the night Elizabeth awoke abruptly as if shaken in her bed by some unseen force. The ticking of the clock echoed across the room as she looked around, her eyes adjusting to the shadowy darkness. “I must have been dreaming,” she said to herself as she laid her head back down, hoping to regain sleep.
An hour later she lay awake and certain that she would remain so for the rest of the night. She threw back the covers and lowered herself out of bed. Bundling up in her flannel robe, she slid her feet into her slippers then headed downstairs to the kitchen.
After fixing a cup of chamomile tea Elizabeth settled down on the sofa in the sitting room. Her box of mementos sat on the table beside her. Lifting the lid, she pulled out a stack of photographs and slowly looked through it, trying to remember each of the occasions that had been captured on film. She smiled at the tender memories, laughed at some of the more outrageous ones and cried when she held the last photo in her hands, saddened again by the thought that these images were all that remained of her husband. These flat, lifeless pictures and the memories she kept within her were all she had left of him.
She sat staring at that photo of Jonas thinking about how her life had changed and about the things she missed when Sir Wilfred came scurrying into the room yelping for her.
“Come here, baby,” she said, reaching down to pick up the pup. She stroked his head as he eagerly greeted her. “Were you worried that I had left you?” She nuzzled her cheek against him. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to leave you.”
With Sir Wilfred in her arms Elizabeth rose from her seat and took the puppy out to the garden. As he ran off she looked toward the horizon. The sky was clear and the air was crisp. She breathed it in deeply. “I should really go for a run this morning,” she said aloud, then before changing her mind, she quickly closed the garden gate and hurried inside to put on her jogging clothes. It had been days since she had run and she felt if she didn’t go out today she would start sinking back into that lonely abyss that she had only recently climbed out of.
As she approached the gates to Pemberley Elizabeth could see William jogging towards her. A smile curled her lips as he quickened his pace to greet her.
“I was beginning to think you had given up running,” William said as he came to a rest.
“I know, I was worried about the same thing,” she replied, stopping a few feet from where he stood.
“How are you this morning?”
“I’m all right.” She nodded. “And you?”
“Very well,” he said distractedly as he noticed Elizabeth’s flushed cheeks and heavy breathing.
“I decided I had better get out jogging again. Sometimes I can be very lazy.”
“That’s understandable. At times it can be difficult to stay motivated.”
“Yes, it can, but I can’t imagine that you would struggle with that.”
William gazed at Elizabeth intently. “You might be surprised at what I struggle with.”
She looked at him, trying to decipher what he was thinking. “Perhaps I would.”
For a brief moment they stared into each other’s eyes, sharing a current of unspoken longing, until Elizabeth abruptly broke the connection by turning away and pointing back towards Cresthaven. “I should probably get home. Charlotte and I are going out today and I…I need to wash my hair.”
“Of course.” William raked his fingers through his hair. “I wouldn’t want to keep you from that, but I am heading in your direction so, if it’s all the same to you, I’d like to accompany you.”
“Oh…okay, please do.” Elizabeth gestured toward home and the pair began jogging.
After a few minutes of silence William glanced at Elizabeth, trying to gauge what might be troubling her. “Is something the matter?” he finally asked while lessening his pace to a steady walk.
Elizabeth slowed down in order to remain at William’s side. “No…not really.”
“What precisely does that mean?”
She cast a puzzled look at William.
“Is something not the matter? Or is something really the matter?”
A grin formed on Elizabeth’s lips as she chuckled inaudibly. “It means that there might be something bothering me, but I’m either not sure of what it is, or not sure if I want to talk about it.”
“Hmm.”
“It’s a complicated thing,” she said trying to explain her meaning.
“Undoubtedly,” he replied with a hint of mirth in his voice.
Her smile broadened as she absently drew closer to William. “I think the best way to describe it is that today, this morning, I do have something bothering me, but I haven’t quite decided if it’s really bothering me.”
“That makes positively no sense at all.” He laughed, taking hold of her hand.
Elizabeth’s cheeks reddened. “I suppose it doesn’t, but really there are many things in this world that don’t make sense.”
“And what might one of those senseless things be?”
“There are so many of them.”
“Tell me one.”
“You’ve put me on the spot.” She bit her lower lip. “I can’t really think of one right now.”
“You can’t think of one thing that doesn’t make sense?” William shook his head. “I can think of plenty.”
“Well then, you tell me one.”
“No, I already told you your explanation made no sense. You need to answer the question.”
“All right.” Elizabeth pursed her lips, trying to think of an answer. “Driving on the left hand side of the road – that makes no sense at all.”
William scoffed. “Maybe not to you.”
“Or to millions of others who drive on the right side.”
“I’m afraid I can’t accept that answer. It’s purely subjective.”
“And yours wasn’t?”
“No, it wasn’t.”
“Oh, yes it was. Just because it doesn’t make sense to you doesn’t mean it’s senseless to everyone else.”
William laughed in response, pleased to have drawn Elizabeth out of her sullen mood.
“Don’t tell me your answer wasn’t subjective,” Elizabeth continued to playfully scold him. “I’d like to see you name one thing that doesn’t make sense to anyone.”
“Anyone on the entire earth?”
“Yes.”
“Very well.” William thought for a brief moment. “Love.”
“Is that your answer?”
“It is. Love makes absolutely no sense to me or to anyone else I’ve ever known.”
Elizabeth made no response, just bobbed her head as they continued down the lane.
“So, do you concur? Or does love make sense to you?”
“Oh, no.” She glanced over at William. “Love doesn’t make much sense to me at all.”
Their eyes met momentarily. William smiled while noticing Elizabeth’s cheeks redden as she coyly averted her gaze. With his hand still enveloping hers he drew her in closer to his side and they walked without speaking until they reached Elizabeth’s garden gate.
“I’ve missed our morning runs together, Elizabeth.” William took hold of both her hands.
Looking down at their hands clasped together, Elizabeth inclined her head. “So have I.”
“I hope to see you out running again tomorrow.”
“I’m sure I will be.” She looked up at William.
“I’ll look forward to it,” he said, then without another word he took her face in his hands and kissed her longingly, leaving Elizabeth breathless as she watched him jog away.
“What’s wrong with you today, Elizabeth?” Charlotte asked as they wandered into another dress shop, the fourth one of the morning. “You have about as much energy as a tortoise.”
Elizabeth chuckled. “I’m just tired, that’s all.”
“Are you having bad dreams again?”
“No, I just had a bit of trouble sleeping last night.”
“You should try a cup of chamomile tea before you go to bed. It will help you to relax.”
“Yes, thank you, I know.”
Charlotte eyed her friend as she leafed through a rack of dresses. “So, what’s on your mind?”
“What’s not on my mind?”
“I don’t know, you tell me.”
“It’s complicated, Charlotte, and not something I want to discuss at the moment.”
“How about discussing it over lunch?”
“I’d be happy to, just so long as I don’t have to look at another dress today.”
“All right.” Charlotte stepped away from the clothes rack. “Let’s have lunch.”
“Where shall we go?”
“I think we passed a little place down the block. Let’s go there.”
“Okay,” Elizabeth said, then hurried to the door, eager to put an end to their shopping excursion.
A half block down the street the two women found the restaurant Charlotte had noticed earlier and they were quickly seated at a corner table of the Blue Boar Inn and awaiting their meals.
“Tell me now, Elizabeth, what’s troubling you?”
“I feel like I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster this past week.”
“Why? What’s been happening?” Charlotte asked.
“So much has been going on. I feel totally overwhelmed,” Elizabeth replied, then relayed to Charlotte all that had happened, including the day of her anniversary.
“Elizabeth, why didn’t you ring me? You shouldn’t have had to cope with that alone.”
“But that’s not the hardest part.”
“It gets worse?”
Elizabeth nodded. “I’m afraid I’m forgetting him.”
Charlotte looked concerned, but made no response, waiting for Elizabeth to expound.
“While looking at those photos I could remember the occasions, but there’s so much I can’t remember. I’m afraid I’m forgetting Jonas – what he sounded like, what he really looked like. A photograph can’t truly recall his smile and I’m afraid I’m beginning to forget all the little things about him. I don’t want to forget those things, Charlotte, I shouldn’t forget them.”
“Oh, Elizabeth, I don’t know what to say. I had no idea.”
“How could you know?” Elizabeth shook her head. “Don’t worry about it.”
“But you’ve been suffering and I…”
“You didn’t know because I didn’t tell you.” Elizabeth swallowed hard as tears welled in her eyes. “I tell you very little, trying to keep it all to myself, thinking that I can handle anything and everything that life has…” The tears that had been threatening to spill now streamed down Elizabeth’s cheeks and she found it difficult to continue speaking.
“Hey.” Charlotte reached over, taking hold of Elizabeth’s hand. “You don’t have to prove to me you’re a strong woman. I already know that you are.”
Elizabeth brushed the tears from her eyes.
“Elizabeth, I can’t pretend to know what it is you’re going through, but, for what it’s worth, I don’t think you need to worry about forgetting Jonas. The two of you shared so much. You made a life together, a family together, and you’ll always have that.” Charlotte scrutinized her friend, gauging her mood before continuing. “But perhaps you may not be able to recall some of those things because Jonas is now taking a less prominent role in your life in order for you to have some new experiences.”
Charlotte leaned back in her chair, watching Elizabeth’s brow furrow, and waiting for an impassioned response to her remarks. Her surprise was great when Elizabeth merely shook her head and said, “I don’t know. At this point, I truly don’t know.”
“You don’t need to figure it all out right now,” Charlotte tried to reassure her. “Although I know you, and that’s…”
“That’s exactly what I want to do,” Elizabeth interrupted, finishing Charlotte’s sentence.
“Take it a day at a time, and don’t be afraid of what the future holds for you, Elizabeth.”
Sighing deeply, Elizabeth inclined her head. “That sounds so much easier to do than it actually is.”
“I know,” Charlotte agreed. “Just remember that you’re not alone.”
To Be Continued . . .